Hello, Mr. Magnum?

I really, really thought the polar bear story from Memphis couldn’t be topped this Valentine’s Day.

I should have known.

From today’s Springfield Republican, a truly devious Valentine’s thought – “Illicit romances also blooming.”

The lede from Stephanie Barry, “Roses are red. Violets are blue. Caught on tape skulking out of a motel? Shame on you.”

Excellent.

Turns out private investigators will be working overtime alongside flower delivery guys and romantic restaurant waiters. It seems, according to the PIs, Feb. 14 is a great time to pinch the cheating hearts – tracking said deliveries and staking out cheap motels. One investigator, the aptly-named Rollie McCarter III, said he’s had to beef up his staff by two to respond to recent calls for domestic surveillance.

“It’s such an easy task,” McCarter told The Republican. “The subjects are predictable … and they’re sloppy because they’re so worried about pleasing that other person.”

Another PI says he’ll be on a call today from a wife who suddenly saw a lot of strange numbers on her husband’s cell phone bill. Good thing Mrs. Guarino-Blog doesn’t check mine – she’d be tailing me back to a lot of calls from strange people ... newspaper reporters.